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   Home  > Marriage Clinic > Adjusting to Married Life > Tips

One Man's Meat...

We're all so different from each other, aren't we? And it's all right to be the way we are are, whether we're planners or dreamers, romantics or practical, football crazy or a nature-lover, good with our hands or good with our brain, reserved or extrovert, tidy or scatter-brained, lovers of food or lovers of ideas - whatever we're like it's OK!

There's no 'right' and 'wrong' in our many personality differences. We've been built as unique individuals with our own particular blend of characteristics that make us who we are - and who we are is great! Not better, not inferior, but me, and OK.

While we're single we can indulge ourselves to some extent according to our likes and dislikes, but once we marry, we are into a completely new arena.

What about the people-loving woman, always inviting friends in, who marries a quiet, shy man who'd far rather have a peaceful evening alone with this wife?

What about the couple who win £300 in a competition and can't agree how to spend it? He wants to go and buy a new mower and some special tools. She wants to go off on a 'Take-a-Break' weekend.

How about the man who really enjoys cooking, but his wife refuses to have him in the kitchen because he uses all the butter and leaves the place looking as if a bomb's gone off?

How can we learn to live with our differences, yes, even to enjoy them, and certainly to laugh rather than cry over them?

The big word is COMMUNICATION. We have to talk about our differences. We need to make up our minds, in the early days, that whenever a problem like this crops up, we will discuss it - if not at once, then at an agreed time later. Then we'll begin to learn the art of compromise, of agreeing on a plan that we can both at least tolerate, and better still, come to enjoy!

Take the hospitality couple. They might agree to have people in once a week or, once a month.

The couple who won £300 might spend £150 on tools and £150 on a break-away night together.

The keen cook husband might have the run of the kitchen once, twice, three times a week, provided he clears up, and buys more butter if he uses it all, or at least write it on the shopping list!

DIY What makes your partner tick? What differences are there between you? Start talking them through and working out ways to accommodate them.

( Excerpted by permission from Hang on I need to say SOMETHING by Gillian Warren, copyright & published by Gazelle Books, ISBN 1 899746 09 9, retail price £5.99)

Tip by Gillian Warren


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